Reviewed by Michael Edwards
Stars Jennifer Lim, Sean Pertwee, Dominique Pinon, Chris Barrie, Lois Winstone, Sean Brosnan,
Oscar Pearce, Rick Warden, Lucy Barker, Shaun Hutson | Written by David Cairns, Tom Grass
UK certification 18 | UK RRP £16.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 75 minutes| Directed by Johannes Roberts
This film has something to teach us all: don't ever watch something that was designed to be exhibited ON A MOBILE PHONE. That's right, When Evil Calss was originally a horror mini-series of 20 five–minute pieces of crap made to be watched on a mobile. Somewhat predictably, it doesn't translate well to DVD for viewing on a screen larger than a cracker.
The premise is a simple one: a nerdy schoolgirl is sad because she's unpopular. She wishes she was popular and a clown inexplicably pops up at the end of her bed and grants her wish. But, she has to put the wish in a text and forward the message to two friends for it to come true. The rest of the episodes, ham-fistedly crammed together into a movie here, centre on the other students making their wishes which go horribly wrong and result in death or mutilation.
The "creative" team involved seem to have been of the opinion that this concept was strong enough to hold its own with only a few basic additions, and in the infinite wisdom decided that these extras were truckloads of the worst puns known to human kind, 17-year-olds in short skirts at school, some breasts every 10 minutes and special effects bought from a bargain bucket in a joke shop from the 70s. Oh, and some CGI effects whipped up on an Atari 5200. The characters are pitiful stereotypes which aren't fit for purpose and the lame idea for each wish smacks of laziness and lack of imagination. Have I put you off yet? If not, read on.
The directors have said they wanted the narrator, a drunken and immensely annoying janitor, to be like the old school Cryptkeeper, from Tales From the Crypt. But instead of resurrecting this classic figure to introduce some witty pastiche, these butchers of the audio–visual world created a pun-spouting buffoon who is more irritating that wearing a radiation suit filled with itching powder, ants and Chris Rock. His introductions fail to create any anticipation for the forthcoming "horror" but instead pre–expose it for the muddled mix of unfunny comedy and unscary gore it is even before we see the first arse cheek peep from a schoolgirl's skirt. That's just stupid. It's boring, not funny, not scary and frankly sapped my will to live.
EXTRAS A "making of" in which the various people involved try and explain their actions but just look like deluded asses once you've watched the DVD. Oh, and the obligatory trailers.