Reviewed by Tom Roberts
Stars Cillian Murphy, Lucy Liu, Jason Sudeikis, Michael Panes, Callie Thorne,
Michael Yurchak, Heather Burns, Mark Harelik, Ali Reza | Written by Paul Soter
UK certification 15 | UK RRP £12.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 87 minutes | Directed by Paul Soter
They say you should never read a book by its cover, but does the same apply to a DVD? Probably, yes, but nevertheless when I was handed the case for Watching the Detectives, I’d pretty much formed an opinion of it there and then.
“Watching the Detectives” is written in big, bold red letters on a white background. The cover is completely devoid of any artistic merit – Cillian Murphy's and Lucy Liu’s faces adorn it, all smiley-smiley. It’s a rom-com then, marketed just like every other rom-com. And, just as predicted when I picked up the DVD case, it’s an appallingly pointless film – a perfect way to waste 90 minutes of your life.
Murphy plays Neil, an independent video rental shop owner. He’s a film-buff accompanied by a bunch of fellow, parasitic movie-nerds who always hang out in his shop. In one "hilarious" scene, they prove their movie-might by correctly guessing the point at which a customer fell asleep during the video she rented. And that’s about as funny as things get, ever. This is a rom-com with the worst screenplay ever penned: it seems nobody bothered to write any jokes. Either that, or the writer underwent a lobotomy days before starting the script.
As a romance, it’s utterly contrived and predictable too. Liu plays Violet, an aloof nutjob with an obsession for playing pranks and a militant dislike for watching television and movies because she suffers from “boreaphobia”, as she puts it. She hates convention, such as watching films in other words. But, wait! The hot guy in this movie, loves movies! Could such an unlikely pair of people overcome their differences and find happiness through the medium of love? Could they? Could it possibly happen?! Surely not!
What makes the film an even more painful spectacle is how miscast Liu is. She’s looking spritely at 40 years young, but ditzy Violet is the domain of a 20-something, not the actress once in charge of the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill. Tarantino has a penchant for plucking forgotten stars out of their obscurity. Liu wasn’t such a star by any means, but if she continues with films like this she soon will be. The best thing about the film is spotting the horrendous continuity errors. In one panning shot, as Neil and Violet run to their car, Liu drops some clothes and the camera suddenly jerks to the right. In another scene, Violet has a grey cat sitting on her lap. One shot later and it’s turned into a ginger tom. The ultimate blooper comes later on when a "nude" Neil hops out of the bath complete with modesty pouch. Although equally, that’s as much a blessing as it is a blooper.
A quick internet search shows that this film – which was actually made way back in 2006 – was once festival-fare, having screened at Tribeca. Distributors wouldn’t touch it with a barge-pole, and now it's made its way straight to DVD. It doesn’t take a detective to see why.
EXTRAS Nothing but the trailer.
• We have TWO copies of Watching the Detectives to give away. To win one, just email your name, address and telephone number to competitions (at) screenjabber (dot) com, with Detectives in the subject line, and the first two emails received will win the DVDs. And please make sure you read our terms & conditions before entering. The competition will close on Friday August 21, 2009.