Reviewed by Rhianna Pratchett
Stars Joan Collins, Donald Pleasence, Ralph Bates, Eileen Atkins, Caroline Munro, Hilary Mason, John Steiner, Janet Key, George Claydon, Derek Benfield
Written by Nato De Angeles & Stanley Price
Produced by Norma Corney & Nato De Angeles
UK certification UK 15 | UK RRP £12.99
DVD Region 2 | Runtime 90 minutes
Directed by Peter Sasdy
Oh good grief, where do you start with a movie like this? For a start Joan Collins is in it — which should be warning enough, since Ms Collins comes from the school of acting where you’re taught to ball up one fist by your mouth and look up dramatically when you scream. Then add on that this tale about a baby possessed by an evil dwarf (I kid you not) isn’t the least bit scary. We are told this baby is ‘evil’ because it’s apparently very strong and likes to scratch people. But the child itself is a cheerful, bubbling tot who occasionally gets red paint put on his hands while being subjected to another Collins hand-balling-and-screaming fit. Poor kid, I hope his parents got him therapy.
There are some terrible accents (including an Italian nun who continually claims that the child is possesses by the daar-veel, complete with dramatic pause), some genuinely laughable performances (Donald Pleasence and Ralph Bates what the hell were you doing in this movie?) and a general feeling that this is one piece of celluloid ripe for the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 treatment. Seriously, if you want a good quality movie about the horrors of thinking you might have given birth to the daar-veel, watch Rosemary’s Baby, if you want evil dwarves try Don’t Look Now. Oh, and The Monster also goes under the name of I Don’t Want to be Born — which is as clear a testament on the quality of this movie as you need.
EXTRAS The theatrical trailer, and image gallery and a script PDF.