Reviewed by Sam Unsted
Stars Christopher Stewart, Sam Bologna, Trish Coren, Lindsay Ballew, Eve Derrek,
Leif Lillehaugen, Patrick Scott Lewis, Erin Lokitz, Natalie Denise Sperl | Written by Michael Hurst
UK certification 18 | UK RRP £12.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 82 minutes | Directed by Michael Feifer
A group of friends go to a graveyard. One of them dresses as a killer as a practical joke. This person then chases his friends around before one falls and is impaled on a gate. This joker is sent to prison for his actions but gets off when one of the friends present that night testifies at his bail hearing. This young lady in question then gathers the whole group together, five years after that fateful night, so they can deal with their issues. Someone then starts killing them which, if you met them, seems completely understandable.
The Graveyard is one of those horror films you could never imagine anyone seeking out or anyone ever really being bothered to watch unless they were sluggishly drunk and physically could not change the channel. The production values are horrible, the acting is embarrassing and the story is essentially ripped off from Friday The 13th. This is nonsense that believes it’s an original and gory thrillride but rather delivers a shockingly ordinary narrative which purports to have a "who’s the killer" twist at the end but instead you will have either a) already guessed who the killer is, b) will not care in the slightest who the killer is or, most likely, c) wish the killer would get off his arse and murder the rest of the cast and then slip out of the film world and prevent the director and writer from ever working again.
Screenjabber has been justifiably praising the wonderful In Search of a Midnight Kiss — a beautiful, touching and original modern romantic comedy. That film was made for $25,000. This is only going on the figure at IMDb, so may not be wholly accurate, but the listed budget for The Graveyard is $2m. That’s 80 In Search of a Midnight Kisses in place of this execrable piece of shit. Just consider that for a few moments and then, when you stumble into Blockbuster sometime in the future and convince yourself that The Graveyard looks like a decent drunk night in, or if you see somebody in the midst of this thought process, take it upon yourself to prevent this from ever happening.
EXTRAS ***** Absolutely none, so be thankful for small mercies.