Starcrash review (DVD) ★

Plenty of films have been directly influenced by the original Star Wars trilogy, especially the inaugural chapter, and many have also taken key elements from it to build upon, from lightsabers to titanic space battles, but Starcrash most definitely takes the intergalactic piss as far as influence goes, as it is the biggest Star Wars rip-off that I have ever seen and most likely exists, both in our universe and every other.

I'm not sure whether or not you could consider this a cult classic, because I don't see how it's possible to have even the smallest genuine fanbase beyond people just wanting to see it for a laugh, which is exactly how I approached it. It's not so bad it's good in a way that it's a fun movie which has shortcomings that can be enjoyed, or a lack of seriousness played throughout, it's instead a contrarian film that has far too much sincerity for its own good, and one that fails in every aspect at trying to match up to the grandeur and wonderment of the very first instalment in the Star Wars saga. It's a cheap Eurotrash beast that you can have a giggle at because it's so damn hideous.

You may or may not be surprised to discover that the legendary Roger Corman's New World Pictures picked up this Italian disasterpiece back in the close of the seventies. An auteur of cult crazies, Corman's filmography is filled with many a fun production, so Starcrash is a bit of a black sheep as it lacks the charm that makes Corman's cinema so entertaining.

The plot of Starcrash is, as aforementioned, a copycat of A New Hope, but it's so watered down that it closely resembles a glass of still water and ice that has had sparkling water added to it. Stella Star (the scantily clad Princess Leia of the film, who isn't, believe it or not, a pornstar from a faraway galaxy) and Akton (a Han Solo/Obi-Wan Kenobi hybrid played by Gortner) are arrested alongside their strange sidekicks Thor and the C3-PO-with-a-redneck-accent, Elle. After being sentenced to hard labour, they are given the chance of being let free by the Emperor (Plummer) when he gives them a mission to find a lost spaceship, which had aboard the patriarch's son (pre-superstar Hoff). The only problem is the ship was searching for an evil count (essentially Darth Vader, with Leia-like croissant hair), who is developing a super-weapon to rule the universe. Along the way we are given illogical explosions, generally poor special effects, dire acting and awkward Ray Harryhausen-inspired stop motion robots, though they have heads that look surprisingly like the B1 battle droids that were birthed in The Phantom Menace. Perhaps Lucas checked Starcrash out and actually liked that part.

If you're a big Hasselhoff fan, he doesn't get much screen time and it's most likely the worst gig he's ever had, so I recommend that you give this one a miss. He never wields a lightsaber like the box art suggests, either, that's Akton. But that's a minor error in a space of flaws. If I had a little rocket that I could fit this DVD in, I'd send it to a galaxy far, far away.

EXTRAS ★ The theatrical trailer, film notes and cast and crew biographies, all to the style of the famed Star Wars opening credits, which is exactly how the film begins with its textual intro.