Reviewed by Adam Stephen Kelly
Stars Robert Pattinson | UK cert PG | UK RRP £9.99 | Runtime 70 mins | Directed by Irene Antoniades
In what is quite possibly the biggest waste of human “effort” and “productivity” in the history of everything, Robsessed is (and I use this term very, very loosely) a documentary all about the man known the world over by screaming hormonal girls as “R Patz”: Robert Pattinson. Why this English actor, who has been a global superstar for just over a year, warrants his own “access all areas” DVD, I do not know. But then again, one of a total of about five people interviewed on the documentary wrote his autobiography. Wow, I bet that is head-over-heels interesting.
At just over an hour long, Robsessed is nothing more that a half-arsed blatant cash-in on a heartthrob, who just so happens to star in a few poorly-made and rushed vampiric romance films for teenage girls, based on novels written by a woman who, and I will quote Stephen King on this, can't write worth a damn.
The same handful of people appear, probably on their knees, praising Pattinson like they just joined the Church of R Patz. The fact that a few of them, such as “vampire expert” Kim Newman and who cares who they are are constantly contradicting themselves, doesn't give much honesty to their words, and really does nothing except make this documentary more infantile and quite frankly cloying than it already is.
These 70 worthless minutes are filled with totally unenlightening information that you could actually find during a five-minute read of Wikipedia, such as his life before Twilight and rumours of his relationships, etc, all splattered with pink and bubbly text. Even the cover art is just a blob of pink and hearts and whatnot. The unique selling point of this DVD may just be the inclusion of a shot of Pattinson as a teenager in loose boxer shorts, which appears on screen for about three seconds. Robsessed is strictly for 14-year-old girls, most likely as nutty as those featured in the documentary, who have it embedded in their heads that Pattinson is something more than an average actor, and that Stephanie Meyer can actually write decent novels.
EXTRAS ★ A 47-second photo gallery and the trailer.