Reviewed by Adam Stephen Kelly
Stars Jenny Laird, Robert Griffiths, Bill Blewitt, May Hallatt,
Harry Fowler, James McKechnie | Written by Stephen Black, Louis MacNiece & Michael McCarthy
UK certification U | UK RRP £15.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 57 minutes | Directed by Charles Crichton
Shot in the summer of 1944 but not released until after the war in 1945, Painted Boats is basically a documentary with a half-arsed soap opera storyline thrown in to illustrate a narrator – with the most boring, uninspired voice imaginable – as he tells of what life was like for those who worked up and down England on canal or "painted boats" in the height of the industrial revolution.
I'm sure canal boat aficionados would refer to this 60-minute film as a gem, and now wish to hunt me down and kill me because of this review, but I personally couldn't care less about canal boats, so as you might expect, this little piece of semi-propaganda couldn't have been more monotonous.
Ealing Studios' film-making pride was in its goal to make patriotic films based on British tradition, so as far as this – one of their many transport movies - they didn't go wrong, but, call me ignorant, I have no interest in learning about painted boats. I certainly know more about them after watching the film, but it's the kind of futile history that will be lost forever from my memory in about three hours time.
Painted Boats boasts some damn fine cinematography from Douglas Slocombe, but what it certainly doesn't boast is its incredulous mini-love story, ridiculous performances and audience alienation. Strictly for people with a love interest in canal boats.
EXTRAS None