Reviewed by Toby Weidmann
Stars Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid, Sienna Miller, Marlon Wayans, Christopher Eccleston, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Byung-hun Lee, Rachel Nichols, Ray Park, Jonathan Pryce, Arnold Vosloo
Written by Stuart Beattie, David Elliot & Paul Lovett
Certification UK 12A | US PG-13
Runtime 117 minutes
Directed by Stephen Sommers
It’s been almost 50 years since his creation, but the original action man is finally making his big screen debut, as the G.I. Joe forces take on the nefarious Cobra organisation in Paramount’s second big budget 2009 blockbuster based on a Hasbro toy license. Given the massive worldwide success of the original live action Transformers in 2007, it was only a matter of time before the powers-that-be began exploring other toy brands that might have big box office potential (and perhaps sell a few toys in the process) and G.I. Joe was a natural fit.
Based on the military action figures created by Hasbro 45 years ago (which also spawned the Action Man and Action Force series in the UK), G.I. Joe comes ready-made with characters and a mythology that have a familiarity with generations of fans. Throw in some beefy hunks and hot chicks in tight leather outfits, a dose of funny quips, top quality special effects and a dizzying amount of explosive action, keep the plot and any character development to a minimum and add a director who knows how to blow stuff up in various exciting ways (in this case, The Mummy’s Stephen Sommers) and the blockbuster formula makes itself.
The film’s plot is simple (natch): the evil Cobra (led by Christopher Eccleston’s Destro) has stolen devastating nanite warheads and intends to use them to destroy four key cities, so its up to the GI Joes, run by General Hawk (Dennis Quaid in suitably gruff mode), and new boys Dutch (Step Up’s Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) to stop them. Cue a series of lengthy battles and chases – the most outstanding being the nail-biting ride in Paris – that keeps the action trotting along. The film clearly borrows from other movies of its ilk with varying degrees of success: for instance, the finale is essentially a re-run of the attack on the second Death Star from Return Of The Jedi, except fought under water, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Rex/Cobra Commander is probably the closest thing to Darth Vader since the Dark Lord of the Sith first stepped onto the Rebel’s Blockade Runner all those years ago. The actors won’t win any Oscar nods (some of the wavering accents are simply bizarre), but at least they make the characters their own and Ray Park’s Snake Eyes and Rachel Nichols’ Scarlett (looking rather less green than her recent Star Trek outing) will surely delight young boys and girls.
Screenjabber’s review of this summer’s Transformers sequel, Revenge Of The Fallen, describes it as a “very long, very loud and very stupid work of cinema”. It would be hard to describe G.I. Joe any other way, too. This is ‘leave your brain at the door, buy a large popcorn and super size coke and prepare to chow down’ cinema that is as thrilling as it is dumb. G.I. Joe ticks all the right boxes for a family blockbuster and, as long as your expectations are not for some Godard-esque existentialism, it’s as enjoyable as any of the other big films to be released this summer.