Review by Adam Stephen Kelly
Stars Minami Tsukui, Shigeru Kanai, Nao Nagasawa, Masaki Nomura | Written by Isao Kodaka
UK Certification 15 | UK RRP £15.99 | DVD Region 2 | Runtime 80 minutes | Directed by Go Ohara
Originally released as Geisha vs Ninjas, Geisha Assassin is a film that is purely tiresome throughout. The story is so shallow and cookie cutter that there is no semblance to entertainment whatsoever. It's your run of the mill revenge story, with a sword-wielding geisha who knows her stuff on a desperate journey to avenge her father's death several years ago.
The story, as weak as it is, takes second place to the action, which dominates the vast majority of the film. Sure, sometimes it's fun to have movies that just aim to thrill with the action scenes—but they have to be done right. Are they in Geisha Assassin? No. They're cumbersomely shot and defy the laws of physics in ways that are profoundly devoid of both style and intuition. It seems to try and deftly recreate the exaggerated wire work of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, failing miserably. These Japanese genre films usually combine martial arts with swordplay to an excellent degree, but if you can't get just one action scene right, why fill up the entire film with them? It's just poorly choreographed battle after battle, filled with freeze framing and slow motion shots—it really is a trudging experience.
Finally, why the film was retitled Geisha Assassin is beyond me. The warrior-like protagonist is on a personal vendetta, not business. Yet another negative in a swirling pool of substandard quality.
EXTRAS ★ Original Japanese trailer and another couple for some strange-looking films.