Justin Bateman's blog

Armchair Viewing: The Graduate (1967)

Justin Bateman — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 02:38:05 -0500

By Lizzie Husher.

"Mrs Robinson, if you don’t mind me saying so, this conversation is getting a little strange.”

What’s it about?
A naïve and vaguely bewildered young graduate returns from college to find himself thrust into a series of congratulatory occasions and facing an entirely uncertain future. Soon however, he is propositioned by one of his parents’ oldest friends and a combination of adolescent curiosity, a faint desire to rebel and post-university boredom cause him to succumb to her calculating advances. Things become messier still, when the graduate finds himself drawn to the woman’s daughter.

Armchair Viewing: Crank (2006)

Justin Bateman — Mon, 08 Mar 2010 17:44:16 -0500

By Toby Weidmann.

"Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.”

What’s it about?
Ace hitman Chev Chelios is poisoned by a conniving Mob boss seeking revenge. The only way Chev can keep his heart pumping, and thus buy him time to find an antidote, is by keeping his adrenaline cranked up to the max. All of which makes Chev one buzzed up badass on a mission.

OSCARS 2010: Live blog

Justin Bateman — Sun, 07 Mar 2010 09:07:47 -0500

0500 The award for Directing. Could it be the first African-American in Lee Daniels, or the first woman and it is... Kathryn Bigelow for The Hurt Locker! Wow, fantastic. Guardian film critic Jason Solomons is right, she does have great arms. And without much messing around, Tom Hanks is on stage, opening an envelope and the Best Picture goes to The Hurt Locker as well!

So that's six Oscars for The Hurt Locker, the overall winner you might say and a fine, fine film. I thought Avatar was a great spectacle and Up was the most outright enjoyable film of the year but I can't deny that The Hurt Locker was terrific in what was a year of very good but not absolutely brilliant movies. Here are Adam's final thoughts.

Armchair Viewing: Saturday selection

Justin Bateman — Sat, 06 Mar 2010 07:11:25 -0500

Unable to decide what to write about, I'm going to give you veritable cornucopia of filmy treats on TV today.

The Age of Innocence (3.10, Five), classy period drama starring Daniel Day-Lewis, Michelle Pfeiffer, Winona Ryder.

The Railway Children (3.45pm, ITV3), charming family drama starring Jenny Agutter and Bernard Cribbins.

Armchair Viewing: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Justin Bateman — Fri, 05 Mar 2010 15:19:45 -0500

Walter Stratford: "Do you know what happens at proms?"
Bianca: "Yes. We'll dance, we'll kiss, we'll come home. It's not quite the crisis situation you imagine."
Walter Stratford: "Kissing? That's what you think happens? I've got news for you. Kissing isn't what keeps me up to my elbows in placenta all day long.”

What’s it about?
In a nutshell, Shakepeare's The Taming of the Shrew for the '90s teenager. Patrick Verona (Heath Ledger) accepts money to date the miserable Katarina Stratford (Julia Stiles) but ends up falling in love with her.

Armchair Viewing: Dog Day Afternoon (1975)

Justin Bateman — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 19:29:36 -0500

"I'm robbing a bank because they got money here. That's why I'm robbing it.”

What’s it about?
Two first time crooks attempt to rob a bank in New York. But being novices doesn't stand them in good stead. They miss the daily cash pick up and then decide to take hostages. Not only that, but the reason for the robbery in the first place is to pay for Sonny (Al Pacino)'s wife's gender reassignment operation.

Armchair Viewing: Crank (2006)

Justin Bateman — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 02:15:44 -0500

By Toby Weidmann.

"Don't pop a blood vessel, you little penis.”

Armchair Viewing: The Fountain (2006)

Justin Bateman — Tue, 02 Mar 2010 15:49:02 -0500

"Every shadow, no matter how deep, is threatened by morning light."

Armchair Viewing: 10 Things I Hate About You (1999)

Justin Bateman — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 13:37:28 -0500

Armchair Viewing: Saving Private Ryan (1998)

Justin Bateman — Sun, 28 Feb 2010 13:42:59 -0500

“It's like finding a needle in a stack of needles.”

What’s it about?
With D-Day approaching, one-time teacher Captain Miller (Tom Hanks) leads a perilous mission to France to save Private James Francis Ryan (Matt Damon), the last surviving sibling of the Ryan family, the rest of whom have been killed in action.

Armchair Viewing: The Fly (1986)

Justin Bateman — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 07:10:53 -0500

“Be afraid. Be very afraid.”

What’s it about?
A scientist's attempts to teleport appear to be successful. Shortly afterwards, he begins to change, at first seemingly for the better. Then, it all begins to go terribly wrong when it becomes apparent that a fly was inside the teleportation pod with him.

Armchair Viewing: Time Bandits (1981)

Justin Bateman — Fri, 26 Feb 2010 02:07:26 -0500

"God isn't interested in technology. He cares nothing for the microchip or the silicon revolution. Look how he spends his time, forty-three species of parrots! Nipples for men!"

What's it about?
A young boy named Kevin (Craig Warnock) gets caught up in the adventures of a bunch of time-travelling midgets who have stolen God's map of the universe. They travel through time stealing treasure wherever they can, and getting up to all sorts of midget mischief.

Armchair Viewing: The War of the Roses (1989)

Justin Bateman — Tue, 23 Feb 2010 02:02:49 -0500

"When I watch you eat... When I see you asleep... When I look at you lately, I just want to smash your face in..."

What's it about?
Oliver Rose (Michael Douglas) and his wife Barbara (Kathleen Turner) have been married for 17 years. But that's about to change. Barbara is starting to spread her wings, Oilver is losing control of his formerly sweet and loving wife - but both want the house. Thus begins the bitterest of divorce battles as each tries to force the other out.

Armchair Viewing: The Sixth Sense (1999)

Justin Bateman — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 09:09:36 -0500

"I see dead people."

What's it about?
A young boy called Cole (Haley Joel Osment) starts seeing the spirits of people who have died but don't know it. In disheartened psychologist Malcolm Crowe (Bruce Willis), Cole finds someone who seems to understand.

Armchair Viewing: Top Gun (1986)

Justin Bateman — Sun, 21 Feb 2010 05:42:50 -0500

"Don't screw around with me Maverick. You're a hell of an instinctive pilot. Maybe too good. I'd like to bust your butt but I can't. I got another problem here. I gotta send somebody from this squadron to Miramar. I gotta do something here, I still can't believe it. I gotta give you your dream shot! I'm gonna send you up against the best. You two characters are going to Top Gun."

What's it about?
Pete 'Maverick' Mitchell (Tom Cruise) is a rookie fighter pilot and despite some run-ins with the authorities manages to get into the Navy's Fighter Weapons School aka Top Gun. Once there, he takes a liking to his female instructor (Kelly McGillis) while trying to win the respect of 'Iceman' (Val Kilmer).

Armchair Viewing: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Justin Bateman — Sat, 20 Feb 2010 10:57:07 -0500

"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

What's it about?
Ferris Bueller (Matthew Broderick) is the coolest kid in school. At least, when he bothers to go to school. Because as Ferris says, "Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." So one sunny day in Chicago he fakes a stomach cramp ("It's a little childish and stupid, but then, so is high school") and sets off for a day of fun with girlfriend Sloane (Mia Sara) and best friend Cameron (Alan Ruck). Meanwhile, school principal Ed Rooney (Jeffrey Jones) who knows somethig isn't right, sets about catching him out.

Armchair Viewing: Gremlins (1984)

Justin Bateman — Fri, 19 Feb 2010 15:10:51 -0500

"With mogwai comes much responsibility."

What's it about?
Rand Peltzer is searching for an unusual Christmas gift for his son Billy when he stumbles across a ramshackle Chinese shop and finds a small furry creature called a mogwai. The owner of the shop says it's not for sale but Peltzer insists. The old man relents but gives his strict instructions. Don't get it wet, don't expose it to bright light and never, ever feed it after midinight. And although Billy is a responsible young man, one night it all goes horribly wrong.

NEW TRAILER: The Spy Next Door

Justin Bateman — Thu, 18 Feb 2010 19:13:57 -0500

Jackie Chan is back... as a babysitter (who just happens to be a spy on loan to the C.I.A).

Family comedy The Spy Next Door starring the legendary Jackie Chan will be fly kicking its way into UK cinemas on 19th March 2010.

Jackie Chan stars as Bob Ho, an undercover CIA superspy who decides to give up his career in espionage to settle down with his next-door neighbor and girlfriend, Gillian (Amber Valletta). But Bob has one more mission to complete before Gillian agrees to marry him: winning over her three opinionated kids.When Gillian suddenly has to leave town, Bob volunteers to babysit the children so he can earn their approval. But when one of the kids mistakenly downloads a top-secret formula from his computer, Bob’s archenemy, a Russian terrorist, moves in for the attack, forcing Bob to juggle the roles of spy and prospective stepfather in the most challenging mission of his career!

Armchair Viewing: Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986)

Justin Bateman — Mon, 15 Feb 2010 06:29:53 -0500

"Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?"

Armchair Viewing: Apocalypto (2006)

Justin Bateman — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 09:47:15 -0500

"A great civilization is not conquered from without until it has destroyed itself from within."

What's it about?
The Mayan civilisation in Mexico is on the verge of imploding, with people being sold into slavery and human sacrifices being made to satisfy the gods. As a jungle village is razed to the ground by the dominant local tribe, one young man manages to hide his wife and child but is captured. The race is on to escape his captors, avoid death and rescue his family.

TRAILER: The Ghost Writer

Justin Bateman — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 06:13:30 -0500

Now. This looks promising. The Ghost, a novel by Robert Harris (Fatherland, Enigma), has been adapted by director Roman Polanski (The Pianist) and Ewan McGregor stars as the ghost writer of the memoirs of a former prime minister (Pierce Brosnan). But it transpires that the previous writer died in mysterious circumstances. What's that smell? Is it a conspiracy?

Armchair Viewing: Field of Dreams (1989)

Justin Bateman — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 07:46:14 -0500

"If you build it, he will come."

What's it about?
An Iowa corn farmer, unsatisfied with his lot, one days hears a voice in the corn field saying, "If you build it, he will come." Taking it as a sign to build a baseball diamond on his property, he sets about his project with passion.

Armchair Viewing: The Fifth Element (1997)

Justin Bateman — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 19:10:35 -0500

Leeloo: "Everything you create, you use to destroy."
Korben Dallas: "Yeah, we call it human nature."

What's it about?
In a future with flying taxis, a flying taxi driver (Bruce Willis) unwittingly finds himself in the middle of a search for a weapon which, if it falls into the wrong hands, could spell disaster for humanity.

Armchair Viewing: Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Justin Bateman — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 17:29:59 -0500

"It's been emotional."

What's it about?
A group of no-good London geezers club together so that one of them can enter a high stakes game of poker and win them a ton of cash. But it all goes pear-shaped and they suddenly find themselves needing to find half a million paahnd in a week or risk getting offed. Nightmare.

Armchair Viewing: The Godfather (1972)

Justin Bateman — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 02:38:39 -0500

"Someday – and that day may never come – I’ll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day."

What's it about?
When the ageing head of a New York crime family is gunned down by rival mobsters, it falls on the youngest and most unlikely of his sons to avenge the attack and secure the family’s position, setting him up for the kind of criminal future that the young war hero had previously planned to evade.

Armchair Viewing: The Bourne Supremacy (2004)

Justin Bateman — Tue, 09 Feb 2010 02:46:12 -0500

"Get some rest, Pam. You look tired."

What's it about?
Having escaped the attentions of the US authorities, Jason Bourne is now living a quiet life in India with his girlfriend. But as he suspected all along, this peaceful existence cannot last forever and an attempt on his life changes everything - forcing him back on the run and reigniting his passion for discovering his past, the details of which are still locked in his amnesiac head.

Armchair Viewing: From Hell (2001)

Justin Bateman — Mon, 08 Feb 2010 06:11:40 -0500

"'From Hell'. Well, at least they got the address right."

What's it about?
Johnny Depp's Cockney cop hunts down Jack tha Rippa in Victorian Landan, so 'e does, squire.

Armchair Viewing: Sunday selection

Justin Bateman — Sun, 07 Feb 2010 08:08:31 -0500

Three films caught my eye in today's listings and they're all well worth a mention.

First up is Flash Gordon (5.45pm-8pm, ITV4), starring Sam Jones as the eponymous hero. Sam who? Yeah, doesn't matter. The supporting cast boasts Max von Sydow as Ming the Merciless, Brian Blessed as Prince Vultan, Topol, Timothy Dalton and even Peter Duncan from Blue Peter. It's gloriously camp and colourful and the special effects are pretty laughable by today's standards but it's tons of fun and the Queen theme tune is great.

Armchair Viewing: Tell No One (2006)

Justin Bateman — Sat, 06 Feb 2010 05:57:55 -0500

"Tell no one. They’re watching."

What's it about?
A doctor, still attempting to recover from his wife’s brutal and devastating murder eight years ago, suddenly finds himself at the centre of the reopened investigation when new evidence comes to light. But whilst desperately trying to prove his innocence he receives a strange email suggesting that his wife may in fact still be alive.

Armchair Viewing: The Godfather (1972)

Justin Bateman — Fri, 05 Feb 2010 02:33:45 -0500

"Someday – and that day may never come – I’ll call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day accept this justice as a gift on my daughter’s wedding day."