Reviewed by Cassam Looch
Stars Nicolas Cage, Shahkrit Yamnarm, Charlie Yeung,
Nirattisai Kaljaruek, Panward Hemmanee, Dom Hetrakul,
Steve Baldocchi, James With
Written by Oxide Pang Chun & Danny Pang
Certification UK 18 | US R
Runtime 99 minutes
Directed by Oxide Pang Chun & Danny Pang
Starting out as a pretty poor "hitman with a heart" genre film, Bangkok Dangerous soon descends into a vanity project for its increasingly desperate looking star. A remake of a not-that-great Thai original, the Pang brothers return with a modified story allowing a pasty American with a terrible hairdo to NOT STAND OUT in Thailand. I mean, it’s not quite as bad as having Timothy Olyphant in Hitman "blending into the crowd" as a BALD WHITE MAN IN AFRICA, but still … come on?!?
Credibility stretched we find the hitman, Joe (Cage), in Thailand running jobs for some evil underworld types. It’s Joe’s preferred method to hire a local low-level criminal and use them to help him, before killing them when he leaves. And so he finds Kong (Yamnarm), a pickpocket who reminds Joe of his younger self. When Kong falls in love with a dancer at a club, Joe begins to soften and finds love himself with a deaf/mute girl who shows him a caring side to his own character. Things inevitably turn nasty and even though Joe has been training Kong, he has to get his hands dirty and take care of business once more.
I’m still struggling to understand Cage’s fascination with this film and this character. Not only that but why has he involved the Pang Brothers to direct the film? They bring nothing to the table, completely unoriginal and tedious in terms of the script AND direction. There a two moments when the film bursts into life with ultra-violence and then we get back to the same vacant stare from Cage as he does "contemplative" — which comes across as constipation.
There’s a guy on the film review circuit who has the second-worst hairpiece I’ve ever seen. It’s this bizarre orange beehive which would look bad as a normal haircut, let alone as an obvious toupee. Now I mention him because if you want to know who has the WORST wig around, then make sure you watch Bangkok Dangerous. Why would anyone have one like that put on their head? It’s understandable if you want to hide your bald patch, but why pick a wig that is receding so badly itself? Anyway, the film itself is pretty mediocre, to be honest. But I challenge you to watch this film and not think about the scraggily fake follicles of Mr Cage. They’re certainly the most eye-catching thing in this dull piece of celluloid.