The B-Movie Collection review (DVD) ★★

"B-movie" is a term that gets thrown around a little incorrectly these days and seems to have taken on a different meaning. B-movies in their purest form do not actually exist today as we are no longer living in the times where one ticket at the cinema would grant you the viewing of two films (unfortunately!). A B-movie itself was quite simply the film that followed the A picture at double feature screenings. The A picture would usually be a big Hollywood production, and the B picture that followed a more grimy, low-budget independent film. Most of the films in this collection would never have actually been B pictures as they were released outside of the era where double features were commonplace. Regardless, in 2011 we could call these cheap indie movies, if anything to do with the letter, "B-class", but surely that's not always the case, right? In a collection that features such genre masters as George A Romero, Larry Cohen and Tobe Hooper, what do I make of a few of the films in this 12-disc set?

The Stuff ???
Larry Cohen is considered something of a low-budget movie icon after creating such cult classics as killer-baby-on-the-loose flick It's Alive and its sequels, writing Maniac Cop, and of course helming this very movie, The Stuff. Interestingly enough, he also wrote 2002's Phone Booth with Colin Farrell and Kiefer Sutherland. As for this horror-comedy, there's plenty of rather gooey fun to be had. When a strange, marshmallow fluff-like substance is discovered seeping from the earth – and found to have a taste of the pretty damn good variety – it's packaged up in tubs and sold as a new dessert product: The Stuff. Quickly becoming a massive seller, only a few realise that The Stuff in fact takes control of the brains of those who consume it, turning them rabid and ruthless! It's pretty funny, exceedingly corny, very enjoyable, and the practical effects are fantastic.

Return to Horror High ??
Crippen High School (great name, huh?) was once the site of a grisly string of murders. A few years later, production company Cosmic Pictures hit the abandoned school and turn it into the set of their new horror movie, as you do. Of course, the blood begins to flow and gory history begins to repeat itself. It's indirectly self-referential at times with jabs at other horror movies, making this film almost a spoof of the genre. Characters make fun of a bad script when in fact they're in a film with an atrocious one, so really any intelligent jazz the writers thought they were inserting into their screenplay completely backfired. It's a pretty boring, bog-standard '80s slasher capped off with a ridiculous twist and a hideously annoying Scooby Doo-esque revelation.

Octopus ?
This is your typical monster movie where a creature dines on a diet of nuclear waste and grows to gigantic size before going on a rampage. In this case that rampage is in the depths of the ocean, obviously. The gargantuan octopus hunts down a submarine that just so happens to be transporting a terrorist, and simultaneously, the criminal's allies are planning on attacking the submarine to rescue him. As you can imagine, the cheap computer-generated octopus isn't the most frightening of monsters – it's about as terrifying as the film is entertaining. Personally I prefer the sequel, which isn't a part of this collection.

Spiders ??
When a rare spider is being experimented on in deep space, a freak meteor shower causes it to become an arachnid enormity, kind of like an eight-legged member of the Fantastic 4. When the shuttle crash-lands back on Earth, the spider is released into the world and soon chaos and destruction reigns as the giant creatures begin crawling all over the place en masse. I've always had a soft spot for this movie and I'm not quite sure why. It's a fun little flick from Nu Image, who, before they got their foot in the door of Hollywood, were churning out creature features like there was no tomorrow. Octopus, reviewed above, is another one from the company. Thankfully the killer spiders were done with practical effects and not low-budget CGI. You might just enjoy it if you try and ignore the ridiculous alien subplot. Oh, and don't watch the trailer before the main feature – it reveals everything about the film, even the ending!

Crocodile ?
Oh how the mighty have fallen. Who could have believed that the director of such horror masterpieces as The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Poltergeist could ever make such a shoddy film? Since those classics, Tobe Hooper has ostensibly turned his attention to churning out absolute shlock – this isn't the first ridiculously bad movie he's made and since 2000, time has proven that it certainly wasn't the last. There's nothing original to see here, just some rowdy university kids on a river boat becoming what's on the menu for a hungry 20-foot crocodile on the loose. As seems to be the trend with this boxset, Crocodile features laughable CGI instead of showcasing potentially awesome practical effects. Tobe already made a good killer croc movie – Eaten Alive – back in 1977, so God knows why he decided to make this.

• In the collection but not reviewed (review copies were not sent): Night of the Living Dead, Hell Comes to Frogtown, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, Creature, Rats, Slugs, Return of the Killer Tomatoes.