Also out on DVD ... September 2008

Week of 29 September 2008

Cassandra's Dream * (Stars Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Tom Wilkinson, Hayley Atwell, Sally Hawkins; £17.99, UK cert 12) I know that it's good to keep busy in older age, but my God, does Woody Allen really have to make a movie per year? Why not make one every two or three and maybe, with a little extra time to consider the screenplay and casting, he could realise his errors and make something much better. Cassandra's Dream, which follows two brothers (McGregor and Farrell) as their debt woes force them to turn to crime, is just so under-cooked and poorly written that it's hard to gain any enthusiasm throughout. The acting is stodgy, particulary from Tom Wilkinson who appeared not to have learnt his lines, and really, this is just far from good enough. No extras — Sam Unsted

Starship Troopers 2: Hero of the Federation (Blu-ray; Stars Billy Brown, Richard Burgi, Kelly Carlson, Cy Carter, Sandrine Holt; UK cert 18) Available as part of the 3-disc Starship Troopers boxed set, this lame straight-to-DVD sequel to Paul Verhoven's classic original should only be used as a drinks coaster. Or maybe a frisbee, to be played with when you take your dog down the park for a walk. The film sees the Federation's best mobile infantry unit back in action against the bugs - but this time, the bugs are waiting for them. Oooh, scary. Not. Lame acting, a lame script and sloppy direction. The first film was a clever satire, with tons of action and humour; this one's just shit. Extras: an apology-free audio commentary and a couple of making-of featurettes. — Stuart O'Connor

Starship Troopers 3: Marauder ***½ (Stars Casper Van Dien, Jolene Blalock, Stephen Hogan, Boris Kodjoe, Amanda Donohoe; £19.99; UK cert 15) Always ripe for a slating, Edward Neumeier's intergalactic warriors return under the able command of Colonel Rico. This time there's suspicion of subterfuge in the ranks, and religion is undermining the war effort. Expect the usual array of mediocre CG and puppetry, hilarious dialogue and occasional bursts of spiky contemporary wit. In my opinion it's an underrated franchise and for a straight-to-DVD movie this one more than make the grade. Extras include making ofs and interviews in various watchable formats, plus a director and cast commentary. Great value. — Michael Edwards

Fantastic Four: Complete Season One ***½ (Stars the voices of Beau Weaver, Lori Alan, Chuck McCann, Brian Austin Green, Neil Ross, Dick Clark, Gary Owen, Stan Lee; £19.99; UK cert PG) Showing its age a little — Schwarzenegger's still in Hollywood and Bill Clinton's in the White House — here is the 1994 series of the Fantastic Four. Decent enough animation (although The Thing looks a little weird) and some classic 1960s storylines, thanks to the involvement of Marvel creator Stan Lee, means this is better than the average Saturday morning cartoon show, and one that long-time FF fans might even enjoy. It kicks off with a two-part origin story (with a slight twist) that introduces the Fantastic Four and villain The Puppet Master. Other villains encountered in the 13-part season are Prince Namor the Sub-Mariner (who later becomes one of the Marvel good guys), the Skrulls, Galactus and The Silver Surfer, Doctor Doom and the Mole Man. This is light years ahead of the recent live-action films. No extras — Stuart O'Connor

Spider-Man & His Amazing Friends: Complete Season One ** (Stars the voices of Dan Gilvezan, Kathy Garver, Frank Welker, June Foray; £19.99; UK cert U) The Fantastic Four toons are fun ... these Spidey toons are just dumb. Spider-Man forms an alliance with Iceman and Firestar (both X-Men) and the three become "The Spider Friends" (shudder), and set out to fight crime in New York City. Along the way they do battle with such villains as the Green Goblin, Doctor Doom, Kraven, Loki, the Kingpin and the Red Skull. The animation is not that good, and this 1981 series generally feels made for kids. Little kids, at that. And Stan Lee's introductions are also missing. Worse still, there's even a "comedy dog". One for hardcore fans, and little kids, only. No extras — Stuart O'Connor

Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer *** (Stars Trevor Matthews, Robert Englund, Rachel Skarsten, James A. Woods, Daniel Kash; £15.99; UK cert 15) While it may not be to everybody's taste, fans of Troma-style schlock should be suitably happy upon checking out Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer. The story of a plumber armed with a fiery temper and a destiny to smash ogres and goblins to smithereens, the film boasts some nicely tongue in cheek performances from newcomer Matthews and legendary horror vet Robert Englund. The downside is that it severely drags in places (despite the 85 minute runtime) and it lacks the inherent charm of similar horror zaniness like Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Still, if you're willing to disengage your noggin for a bit then there's definitely some fun to be had here. Extras: While the film may be hit or miss for some, the bonus booty is nothing short of superb. Featuring umpteen deleted scenes and featurettes plus a ton of other stuff to keep you hooked after the credits roll, it's one of the nicest packages in ages. — Jordan Brown

Leolo **** (Stars Gilbert Sicotte, Maxime Collin, Ginette Reno; £12.99; UK cert 18) Made way back in 1992, Leolo really is too good a film to just slip under the radar for 16 years. The ever so barmy tale of a kid who escapes the soul-crunching monotony of Montreal life by writing about an alternate reality, the film is deftly handled by late director Jean-Claude Lauzon. On top of that, it plays host to some breathtaking cinematography, belting performances and some hilariously poignant dialogue. Amusing, shocking and touching in equal measure, Leolo is an incredible piece of Canadian cinema from a great helmer that had the potential to hit the big time had it not been for is untimely death. Well worth a look. Extras: Just the theatrical trailer. — Jordan Brown

Spitting Image: The Complete Third Series ** (Stars the voices of Chris Barrie, Harry Enfield, Jon Glover, Steve Nallon and Kate Robbins; £24.99; UK cert 15) Hindsight is a wonderful thing – sadly it’s about the only thing that would make watching Spitting Image’s third series an enjoyable proposition. Not that there’s anything wrong with the groundbreaking puppet-based satire from the 80s; indeed it was blessed with good writers (including Private Eye editor Ian Hislop and Red Dwarf scribes Rob Grant and Doug Naylor) and some of the country’s finest impressionists. It’s just that cold satire is an unpalatable dish, and while you might be able to cast your mind back to the world during 1986 and reheat it, it’s hard to concentrate on the "gags" when you’re too busy recalling the politicians, stars and sportsmen and women of the day. What is interesting is how important politics was to the show – and therefore the viewing public – and how lucky the show was to have Margaret Thatcher, Ronald Reagan, Jeffery Archer, Cecil Parkinson, Rupert Murdoch and Robert Maxwell as targets. Indeed, the celebrity-obsessed noughties could do with more shows that attempt to puncture the bubble of notably large egos. No extras — Robert Hull

P2 **½ (Stars Wes Bentley, Rachel Nichols, Simon Reynolds, Philip Akin; £15.99; UK cert 18) Well shot by director Franck Khalfoun and well acted by its two leads Wes Bentley (American Beauty, Ghost Rider) and Rachel Nichols (Charlie Wilson’s War, The Amityville Horror), P2 is an effective but derivative horror/thriller. When it plays to its strengths it mines a rich vein of modern-day paranoia: mobile phones with no signal, empty parking lots with gloomy strip lighting and a certain detachment that means you don’t have meaningful relationships with your co-workers. When it presses the ‘cliché’ button we have heroines in flimsy lingerie, wielding fire axes and shrieking like a banshee. What causes all this is a setup, where Angela (Nichols), a workaholic, is last one out of the office on Christmas Eve. Angela’s off to her sister’s to drop off the presents … only she isn’t because her car won’t start and she’s trapped in the building because it’s Christmas Eve and no one else is around because she’s such a kiss-ass corporate climber working late at the holidays. It gets worse: her only hope of getting out is night watchman Thomas (Bentley) and when he tries to help her she gets a bit testy. Error – he’s a nutter who won’t let her leave. Cue chases, car trunks, snarling security dogs, cops who get close to helping her but don’t and one big(ish) explosion. Neither dull nor dynamic, P2 is a decent feet-up, pizza-and-a-beer movie that won’t make you groan at its outlandishness but also won’t trouble you and your mates with the need to discuss it. Extras: Making of… featurette, Tension Nouveau: Presenting Franck Khalfoun, Designing Terror, Audio Commentary by director Franck Khalfoun and co-writer/producer Alexandre Aja, trailer. — Robert Hull

Nomad (The Warrior) *** (Stars Kuno Becker, Jay Hernandez, Jason Scott Lee, Mark Dacascos; £12,99; UK cert 15) Borat probably has a lot to answer for, as it’s now almost impossible to hear the name Kazakhstan without immediately thinking of naked wrestling in hotel rooms, Jagshemash and tankinis. Not for the first time might he be accused of doing his "country" a disservice. Set in 18th Century Kazakhstan, this is the story (based on historical fable) of a boy, Mansur, who is destined to unite the three warring tribes of the country against invaders. Nomad was Kazakhstan’s official entry for Best Foreign Language Film at this year’s Oscars and is well deserving of the honour. It’s a sumptuously photographed film with an epic feel and strong performances, especially from its leads: Jason Scott Lee as Oraz and Kuno Becker as Mansur. No extras — Robert Hull

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Week of 22 September 2008

Killer Klowns From Outer Space ***½ (Stars Grant Cramer, Suzanne Snyder, John Allen Nelson, John Vernon, Royal Dano, Adele Proom; £12.99; UK cert 12) Students on a first date see a falling star plummet to Earth. Arriving at the landing site, they discover a circus tent populated by alien clowns from outer space. Which then proceed to kill the towns-people using rabid balloon animals, and it's up to the kids to stop them. Bizarre, odd yet hilariously eccentric this oddity from 1988 came at the end of the direct-to-VHS boom. Overlooked but genuinely entertaining it takes the horror theme and gives it a fun slant. Even though it has waned in the fear department, it still has plenty of jumpy parts to keep horror fans entertained. And hey, we all know that clowns are really, really terrifying to small children (and even some adults) which makes this all the more fun. The old-school effects add to the experience — Killer Klowns is a real retro treat. Extras: Just the theatrical trailer. — James Whittington

News Movie (aka The Onion Movie) *** (Stars Len Cariou, Daniel Chacon, Ken Takemoto, Steven Seagal, Don McManus, Kate Fuglei, Abigail Mavity, Reid Weaver, Michael Bolton; £15.99; UK cert 15) Released in the US as The Onion Movie (although no actual staff members of that satirical newspaper and website were involved in its production), News Movie is anything but new. It was actually made about five years ago — there's even a cameo appearance by funnyman Rodney Dangerfield, who died in 2004. And filmmaker Kevin Smith obviously hasn't seen it yet, because he certainly has grounds to sue over the Steven Seagal "Cock Puncher" character (Mark Hamill played a character called Cocknocker in Smith's film Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back). Not an auspicious start then. But I'm pleased to report that for the most part, News Movie is reasonably funny — especially when compared to laughless garbage such as Meet The Spartans and Disaster Movie. It's not a parody film, though; more a series of skits (think Kentucky Fried Movie or Amazon Women On The Moon) with a very slim thread of plot running through. When the Onion News Network tries to make anchorman Norm Archer (Cariou) compromise his journalistic integrity to please the new corporate bosses, Archer is none too impressed. Many of the sketches evolve out of the fake news headlines. Many are actually pretty funny. The film takes potshots at the usual suspects — terrorism, Britney Spears, racism and the dumbing down of Hollywood. A good few of the sketches are very funny, but many more of them go on too long or simply fall flat. Extras: some deleted scenes and bloopers. — Stuart O'Connor

Maid Marian & Her Merry Men: Complete Seasons 1-4 **** (Stars Kate Lonergan, Tony Robinson, Wayne Morris, Forbes Collins, Mike Edmonds, Danny John-Jules, Mark Billingham; £49.99; UK cert PG) A sitcom aimed at kids that is a completely revisionist view of the Robin Hood story. This time, Marian (Londergan) is the brains of the outfit and Robin (Morris) is a thick-as-a-plank, cowardly tailor from Kensington. The nasty, evil King John (Collins) rules with an iron fist, ably assisted by his lackey, the nasty, evil Sherrif of Nottingham (Robinson, who also wrote the series). Marian and her gang must do what they can to outwit the nasties and free the peasants of Worksop. This is very clever stuff from Robinson, who was best known as Baldrick in Blackadder until Marian came along. Appealing to both adults and children, it's got terrific acting and some wonderful dialogue. They don't make them like this any more, which is a crying shame. Extras: The Christmas Special (Much the Minimart Manager's Son), four lovely comic strip booklets written by Robinson, improv sketches, audio commentaries, a karaoke singalong, an interactive game of Hunt the Chicken, trailers, a featurette called How the Germans Saw It, a photo gallery, a featurette on creative writing (with Robinson, Billingham and David Lloyd), some Maid Marian cartoons, and more trailers. — Stuart O'Connor

The Flight of the Red Balloon *** (Stars Juliette Binoche, Simon Iteanu, Fang Song, Hippolyte Girardot, Louise Margolin; £19.99; UK cert PG) While not a remake of the nigh-silent 1957 classic, Hsian-hsien Hou’s charming drama clearly owes more than a debt of gratitude to Albert Lamorisse’s film. It takes that same basic premise – a small boy “befriends” a red balloon – but adds more layers (most notably via the perspective of a young babysitter) Asian and a more than healthy dose of reality to the mix thanks to Binoche’s customarily great performance as a struggling single mother. Slow, poetic but, like its influence, oddly captivating. Extras: Not much on the first disc, just a trailer and the subtitling option, but the two-disc version features Lamorrise’s still lovely original and an earlier film, Crin Blanc (White Mane). — Neil Davey

King Of New York: Special Edition **** (Stars Christopher Walken, David Caruso, Laurence Fishburne, Wesley Snipes, Steve Buscemi, Giancarlo Esposito, Victor Argo, Janet Julian; £17.99; UK cert 18) Abel Ferrara's 1990 mob drama can certainly give Scorsese a run for his money. And if you think DeNiro, Pacino and Gandolfino are the only guys who can do mobsters justice on the screen, then you ain't seen Walken. Here he plays organised crime kingpin Frank White, who is released from prison and immediately sets about eliminating his South Bronx competition. But he doesn't bank on the local police - led by Dennis Gilley (Caruso) - starting their own "gang war" to take him down. Extremely violent, moody, beautifully paced and with some stunning performances, King of New York may not be Ferrara's best film (that title goes to Bad Lieutenant) but it's damned close. Walken is simply scary, while Caruso once again shows why he can't seem to break away from playing cops. Some great work, too, from relative unknowns Fishburne, Buscemi and Snipes, but this truly is Walken's film — it just needs a little more cowbell. Extras: An audio commentary with Abel Ferrara, a filmmakers' commentary, an interview with producer Augusto Caminito, a documentary on Abel Ferrara’s career and making of King of New York, a documentary on Schoolly D: Snowboarder, another documentaty called Abel Ferrara: Not Guilty, a featurette called Chris Walken: Hollywood Superstars. — Stuart O'Connor

Logan's Run **** (Stars Michael York, Jenny Agutter, Richard Jordan, Peter Ustinov, Roscoe Lee Browne, Farrah Fawcett; £12.99; UK cert 12) One of the best sci-fi films of the 1970s finally makes its way on to DVD. And not before time — there's supposedly a remake in the works for release in 2010. But before that, make sure you catch a look at the original. Set in 2274, it's the story of a utopian world where your every whim and desire is catered for. Life is perfect, except for the fact that life is short — everyone must die at the age of 30. Logan is a Sandman, whose job it is to track down and execute "runners" — those who think life's too short and want to hang about a bit longer. When the powers that be (ie, the computer that runs the city) tap Logan up for a bit of an espionage job — tracking down the mythical Sanctuary, to which the runers flee — he is forced to become a runner, taking latest squeeze Jessica (Agutter) with him. Although the special effects are not all that special by today's standards, Logan's Run is a film that's very much driven by its story, with great performances from the leads. And its ecological message is more relevant now than when it was first released. A cinematic classic. Extras: An audio commentary with star Michael York, director Michael Anderson and costume designer Bill Thomas; and a behind-the-scenes documentary, A Look Into The 23rd Century. — Stuart O'Connor

Westworld **** (Yul Brynner, Richard Benjamin, James Brolin, Dick Van Patten, Majel Barrett; £12.99; UK cert 15) Another of the best sci-fi flicks from the 70s, this time set in a futuristic theme park run amok. The  park has three sectors — Westworld, Medieval World and Roman World — staffed by robots that will cater to visitors' every whim. But there's a glitch that sends the robots haywire, and they start attacking the customers. A brutal gunslinger (the brilliant Brynner, famous for his cowboy roles) sets out to hunt and kill two of the visitors to Westworld (Brolin and Benjamin) ... and a nasty can-and-mouse game ensues. Directed by the late Michael Crichton from his own novel, Westworld is a clever and thrilling take on "Disneyland gone wrong" and a forerunner to Jurassic Park, also written by Crichton. It looks a little dated now (and is also getting the remake treatment) but it's was a pioneering film in many ways: it used early digital effects, and Brynner's relentless killer robot was certainly a template for Jame's Cameron's Terminator. A true classic of the genre, and one not to be missed. No extras — Stuart O'Connor

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Week of 15 September 2008

ER Season 12 *** (Stars Maura Tierney, Goran Visnjic, Linda Cardellini, Parminder Nagra, Deezer D, Yvette Freeman, Emily Wagner, Lyn Alicia Henderson, Mekhi Phifer; £44.99; UK cert 15 ) While not one of ER’s greatest seasons ever — for my money the real return to form kicked in around Season 13 — Season 12 is not without its plus points. These range from the grand scale — a plane collision over Chicago, escaped convicts with a personal vendetta against Sam (Cardellini) — to the lower scale episodes that have always been the series’ strongpoint. This time round the guest star is James Woods as Nate Lennox, a brilliant doctor in the late stages of a degenerative disease, in an episode that subtly and movingly debates the euthanasia issue. There’s also an interesting, if overlong, story arc featuring John Leguizamo as Dr Clemente, the ER’s new and highly unconventional attending. Extras: the usual slightly disappointing occasional unaired scene. That’s it. — Neil Davey

Frasier: Season 11 **** (Stars Kelsey Grammer, David Hyde Pierce, Jane Leeves, John Mahoney, Peri Gilpin, Wendie Malick, Aaron Eckhart, Richard E. Grant, Robbie Coltrane, Anthony LaPaglia, Sarah Silverman; £34.99; UK cert 12) When the Americans get a sitcom right, they get it very, very right. And with Frasier, they got it completely, utterly and brilliantly right. A spinoff from the equally successful Cheers with the unlikeliest character — a self-centred, pompous psychiatrist — Frasier lasted for 11 seasons thanks to clever casting and sublime writing. Actually, the chemistry among the cast and the outstanding performaces from the regulars (particularly Hyde Pierce as brother Niles) are what kept this show at the top of its game for so long. And I doubt anyone will argue when I ay it's probably the smartest sitcom there has ever been. In this final season, Frasier (Grammer) starts his own private practice, dad Martin (Mahoney) gets a new love interest in the form of lounge singer Ronee (Malick), Daphne (Leeves) becomes pregnant, and Niles' famously unseen ex-wife Maris finds herself at the centre of a murder investigation. Highlights incude guest star Patrick Stewart as a gay opera director, and Frasier's romance with a dating service director played by Laura Linney. The two-part finale, Goodnight Seattle, is one of the best endings to a TV series ever. Extras: Just a couple of featurettes: Observations, Analyses & Good-byes (with the producers and writers) and Frasier Says Farewell (with the cast). — Stuart O'Connor

Tin Man *** (Stars Zooey Deschanel, Alan Cumming, Neal McDonough, Kathleen Robertson, Raoul Trujillo, Richard Dreyfuss; £19.99; UK cert 12) "My god. The little bitch has gone to see the wizard." Yes Toto, we're not in Kansas any more. And this is definitely not the Wizard of Oz from my childhood. Tin Man is a US Sci-Fi TV network mini series that "reimagines" of The Wizard of Oz, although it probably bears as much resemblance to L Frank Baum's book as spinach does to chocolate. This time the story is about bored small-town Kansas waitress D.G. (Deschanel) who finds herself in the Outher Zone (aka the O.Z.) after a tornado. She teams up with Glitch (Cumming), a man with a zipper in his head after his brain has been removed; Raw (Trujillo), a man-lion hybrid who has visions, but lacks courage; and Wyatt Cain (McDonough), the "tin man" of the title - so called because he's a former lawman (think western-style sheriff) and carries a tin badge, though he's heartbroken after his wife and son were slaughtered. Together they must thwart the plans of evil sorceress Azkadellia (Robertson), who plots a complete takeover of the O.Z., and find and rescue D.G.'s mother. And yes, the "wonderful wizard" does play a part, in the guise of the drug-addled Mystic Man (Dreyfus). Tin Man has some wonderful moments, and some stunning special effects - especially for a TV show - but at almost five hours it's far too long and lacks that essential ingredient ... heart. Deschanel and Cumming seem the most uncomfortable in their roles and Dreyfus overacts terribly, but the real bright spot is the gorgeous Robertson - who revels as this version's Wicked Witch, flying monkeys and all. Extras: just a making-of featurette and the trailer. — Stuart O'Connor

The Graduate ***** (Stars Anne Bancroft, Dustin Hoffman, Katharine Ross, William Daniels, Murray Hamilton, Elizabeth Wilson; £17.99; UK cert 15) Here's to you, Mrs Robinson. You've become an icon of the screen, you've aired the wondrous talents of Mike Nichols, Dustin Hoffman and Anne Bancroft for all the world to see. Your soundtrack oozes cool and every second of screen magic brings a wider grin to your face. Who'd have thought that a simple love triangle tale could be so complex and so fun? A film that has rarely been matched in the genre. If you haven't seen it and can't find a DVD copy, this new one is out now so you have no excuses! No extras — Michael Edwards

South Park: Season 8 **** (Stars the voices of Trey Parker, Matt Stone, April Stewart, Mona Marshall, Jennifer Howell, John Hansen, Isaac Hayes; £24.99; UK cert 15) More wonderful shenanigans from Parker and Stone and those animated 8-year-olds. Highlights this season include: Up the Down Steroid, in which Cartman pretends to be retarded so he can win the Special Olympics; The Passion of the Jew, in which the boys learn that Mel Gibson is completely insane; The Jeffersons, in which Michael Jackson moves to South Park and the boys learn that he is completely insane; and Stupid Spoiled Whore Video Playset, in which the boys learn that Paris Hilton is a skanky, spoiled, disease-ridden slut, as well as being completely insane. For me, though, the best episode of the 14 here is Douche and Turd, in which Stan is run out of town after refusing to vote in the school mascot election because his choices are a giant douche and a turd sandwich. This episode aired in the US about the time of the 2004 presidential election, and no, I honestly couldn't choose between a douche (John Kerry) or a turd sandwich (George W Bush) myself. South Park continues going from strength to strength, and Parker and Stone are so far ahead of the comedy pack that all the others must be retarded. Or pretending to be. Extras: Again, just a short commentary track on each episode from Matt and Trey. — Stuart O'Connor

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Week of 8 September 2008

Arctic Tale **** (Narrated by Queen Latifah; £12.99; UK cert PG) Another stunning wildlife film from the people behind March of the Penguins. This time we're in the Arctic, and follow the lives of a family of polar bears and a walrus herd — mainly focussing on Nanu, a polar bear cub, and Seela, a walrus pup. We spend the first two years of their lives with them, as they learn from their respective mothers how to survive in one of the harshest and most unforgiving environments on the planet. The footage, as you'd expect from the National Geographic team, is stunning — how do they manage to get so up close and personal with wild animals? — and there is a strong green message throughout. Thanks to global warming, the habitat of these creatures is changing. And not for the better, making their day-to-day lives that much tougher. A beautiful and important film. Extras include a making-of featurette, detailing the 15 years of work that went into Arctic Tale, plus another featurette called Are We There Yet? World Adventure: Polar Bear spotting. There is also the theatrical trailer. — Stuart O'Connor

BTK * (Starring: Kane Hodder, Amy Lyndon, Daniel Bonjour, Dru Ashcroft, Anna Margaret; £15.99; UK cert 18) I'll say now that I've given this one star because at least it has had a stab at attempting to make a story that explores the mind of a serial killer. But that is a very sketchy single-star because this film does this with absolutely no inspiration, intelligence or insight, instead getting stuck between creating a mindless psycho-killer slasher and trying to provide the story with a compelling anti-hero. It's so hamfisted and poorly handled, both in writing and direction, that it really pains me to leave that single star up there. Hodder (best known as Micheal Myers in the Halloween films) in the lead, playing this "moralistic" serial killer — who, according to this interpretation, essentially killed people who were a little rude after he provoked them into being so — is devoid of charisma to such a degree that you wonder if he even understood the point at which the camera was on. In short, I give this rubbish, confused film a begrudging one star. No extras — Sam Unsted

Grindhouse Trailer Classics 2 **** (£14.99; UK cert 18) How come the worst films have the best trailers? Here we have a fine collection of promos for some of the worst films ever made in the 1960s and 70s, the era of grindhouse, exploitation and blaxploitation cinema. And it's no surprise to learn that you've probably never heard of most of them — films such as Night Call Nurses ("They nurse patients the way no doctor can!"), The Tigress ("A female James Bond who's meaner than Dirty Harry!"), Black Shampoo ("He gives each pet a wash and set!"), The Undertaker and His Pals, Jail Bait Babysitter ("She knows how to take care of you!") and The Black Gestapo. Then there's classics like Dario Argento's Deep Red, Invasion of the Blood Farmers, Don’t Go in the House, Dr Minx ("If you've got a problem, she'll work it out!"), the 70s soft-core parody porn flick Flesh Gordon, Sacrifice ("You will live the most barbaric act ever performed on the human body!"), Blood Pit of Horror, gay biker film The Pink Angels, The House That Screamed, Cinderella 2000, Hunchback of The Morgue, The Twilight People and Rabid. Yes, there's guns, violence, gore and nudity aplenty ... along with awful acting, dire dialogue and production values that make Meet the Spartans look like a masterpiece. Classic stuff — perfect for fans of B-grade movies, and essential for film history buffs. Extras include Into The Grindhouse, a short interview with Nightmare USA author Stephen Thrower, and a grindhouse poster gallery. — Stuart O'Connor

Chemical Wedding **½ (Starring Simon Callow, Kal Webber, Lucy Cudden, Jud Charlton, Paul McDowell, John Shrapnel; £17.99; UK cert 18) There are certain films that you know, prior to them commencing, will be completely batshit crazy. Any story about the famed Satanist and rock star-beloved Alistair Crowley is bound to be somewhat off kilter anyway but this is no straight biopic. Cowritten by Bruce Dickinson, this sees a shy, stuttering professor (Callow) get involved with the integration of Crowley's occult rites with the human brain (I can't give any scientific description of what happens here) and boom, the professor essentially becomes the reincarnation of Crowley and begins to spread the manifesto of his possessor around the school, including Satanic orgies and defecating on someone's desk. Callow plays it BIG and it mostly works but the rest of the cast don't keep up and the whole thing turns into a one-man show. The writing too is a little unfocused but you can't deny the fun factor at play here in the gonzo madness of the whole affair. If you have a passing interest in Crowley or are a die-hard Maiden fan, go for it. Extras include a commentary from Bruce Dickinson and Julian Doyle, a making-of featurette and deleted scenes. — Sam Unsted

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Week of 1 September 2008

The Oxford Murders * (Stars John Hurt, Elijah Wood, Leonor Watling, Julie Cox, Jim Carter; £15.99; UK cert 15) Screened for just a handful of critics before its theatrical release, The Oxford Murders was universally panned. Now, having finally seen it on DVD, I can understand why. It's basically the story of a bunch of murders that are somehow connected by a mathematical series. So crotchety philosophy professor Hurt and American maths student Woods set about tryiong to solve the mystery. It's a poorly written and poorly directed thriller that's devoid of thrills, full of clunky dialogue and dull lectures, and concentrates way too much on a romantic triangle (with Watling) that's just too creepy for words. And to top it off, one of the actors seems to have had all his dialogue dubbed — badly — in post-production. Hurt and Wood both deserve better than this. Extras: just a making-of featurette, called Behind the Murders, plus the theatrical trailer and a TV ad. — Stuart O'Connor

Day of the Dead *** (Stars Mena Suvari, Nick Cannon, Michael Welch, AnnaLynne McCord, Stark Sands, Matt Rippy, Ving Rhames; £15.99; UK cert 18) A very loose remake of George Romero's 1985 zombie shocker, this new entry is more 28 Days Later of the Dead. A strange virus (what's the bet it's the result of dodgy government experiments?) is let loose in a small Colorado town and one by one the dead come back to life and start attacking the living. And eating them. Unlike Romero's films, though, these zombies are super-fast, agile as hell and can even walk on ceilings. Wow — spider-zombies. And where Romero's original took place mostly inside an underground military bunker, this one heads there simply for its climax. On the plus side, the zombies still die with an accurate shot to the head, and there are absolute bucketloads of blood and gore — sadly, though, mostly of the CGI variety (where's Tom Savini when you need him?). Suvari plays a US Army soldier and is, as always, lovely to look at ... but would someone of her size and build even get into the Army in the first place? Anyway, it's a decent enough zombie flick and horror fans should enjoy it. Extras: interviews with selected cast and crew, some behind-the-scenes footage and the theatrical trailer. — Stuart O'Connor

The Love Boat: Season 1 ** (Stars Gavin McLeod, Fred Gandy, Ted Lange, Bernie Koppell, Lauren Tewes, Marion Ross; £24.99; UK cert PG) "Love, it's exciting and new" proclaim the jazzy credits of this 1977 TV series, which takes as its subject a cruise ship full of passengers with relationship issues. However, it is neither of those things. In fact, if we are to believe the series, love is formulaic and its dilemmas easily reduced to a series of simple set-ups punctuated by bad jokes and a painful laughter track. Nonetheless, little moments like a guy shouting "shazam" before kissing a girl, a cross-dressing dude getting chatted up by the captain and a host of far out 70s fashion examples make this worth the occasional watch for retro/nostalgia factor. But it's almost impossible to stand more than one episode a month and you won't want want to watch it again for another 31 years. No extras — Michael Edwards

Get Smart's Bruce and Lloyd Out of Control ** (Stars Masi Oka, Nate Torrence, Jayma Mays, Marika Dominczyk, JP Manoux, Larry Miller, Patrick Warburton; £12.99; UK cert 12) A straight-to-DVD spinoff from the new Get Smart movie (and probably filmed at the same time) takes the two techie geeks Bruce and Lloyd and gives them their own adventure. They are working on an invisibility cloak, which gets stolen during an office party, so the pair have to go out "into the field" to retrieve it before KAOS get their evil hands on it. The storyline runs tangential to the Get Smart movie, Anne Hathaway pops uip in a cameo as 99 and we get to send a bit more time with robot Hymie (Warburton). It's a mildly amusing flick, but it seems like it was dashed off as an afterthought. And the funniest moments take place in the "outtakes" during the credits (which begin at the 71-minute mark). Extras include a behind-the-scenes look at the technology, and some character "confessionals" during the party scene. — Stuart O'Connor

Illegal Tender * (Michael Philip Del Rio, Samuel Molina, Rick Sepulveda, Manny Perez, DC Benny; £12.99; UK cert 15) Another bargain basement thriller to clutter the shelves at your local DVD outlet. A drug dealer chases an ex-foe and his family. It's predictable, uninteresting and doesn't even have a big budget to compensate for the ordinariness with special effects. Plus there's no extras. — Michael Edwards

Where in the World is Osama bin Laden? **** (Stars Morgan Spurlock & Alexandra Jamieson; £17.99: UK cert 12) I don't think it was ever Spurlock's intention to actually find the world's No.1 terrorist, Osama bin Laden. And, of course, he doesn't. When he learns that his wife is pregnant, he decides that he wants his child to grow up in a safer world. So Spurlock heads off on a magic carpet ride through Egypt, Morocco, Israel, Jordan, Saudi Arabia, Afghanistan and Pakistan, in a bid to find out if the Al Quaeda leader still has any influence. What's interesting is that almost all the people in the Middle East that Spurlock speaks to, they say that they hate the American government, not the American people. And what he learns if that most of us really wouild prefer to live in peace. As Spurlock says: "The whole trip was actually a chance to go out and see and talk to those people that we are told to be so scared of all the time." Just like Super Size Me, this documentary really provides some food for thought. Extras include an interview with Spurlock, deleted scenes and the theatrical trailer. — Stuart O'Connor
• Celebrity Squares with Morgan Spurlock

The Untouchables ***½ (Stars Robert Stack, Walter Winchell, Nicholas Georgiade, Abel Fernandez, Steve London; £36.99; UK cert PG) Probably overawed by Brian De Palma's 1987 film version of the Eliot Ness story, the TV series of The Untouchables has unfairly been forgotten. While the majority of cop show fans today will find it far too vague and tame for their tastes, the attention to detail and storytelling of this season is very strong. Taking its cues from the dirty, rough-hewn noir of the mid- to late-50s (Pickup on South Street, Night and the City), this provides a selection of hard-boiled character across the board, talking in machine gun dialogue bursts of dames and crooks. Stack (Oscar-nominated in Douglas Sirk's wonderful melodrama, Written on the Wind) as Ness is a far better written character than Costner's version and a very much more fitting performance. It's all very much of its time and there's really no contemporary resonance, but this is still a groundbreaking work of television in its own right. Watch if you love noir from the period, rat-a-tat dialogue and want to see a far more interesting picture of the Chicago crime scene than the overstylised, too homagey De Palma work. No extras — Sam Unsted

Vexille *** (Voices of Colleen Clinkerbeard, Meisa Kuroki, Travis Willingham, Christine M Auten, Shosuke Tanihara; £15.99; UK cert 12) Rockin’ sci-fi anime with an original soundtrack by dance guru and "superstar DJ" Paul Oakenfold. Set in 2077, Vexille is the agent of the title, who has been sent to Tokyo to investigate whether the Japanese are developing robotic technology. This has been outlawed by the United Nations in the past but Japan’s policy of isolationism means no foreigner has set foot there for 10 years. Terrific action sequences and the high level of the animation set Vexille a notch or two above your usual generic futuristic nonsense. Extras: The second disc contains nearly two hours of bonus material: Making of Vexille; a 50-minute interview with the filmmakers; Vexille the inside story; an hour-long documentary with director Fumihiko Sori, and the theatrical trailer. —  Robert Hull

Perry Mason: Season 1 *** (Stars Raymond Burr, Barbara Hale, William Hooper, William Talman and Ray Collins; £24.99; UK cert PG) It really is hard to believe that the episodes contained on this set are 51 years of age. Yes folks, the first season of Perry Mason first aired in 1957 and the first 19 monochrome episodes are here to be savoured by fans of courtroom drama everywhere. Based on the books by Erle Gardner, with Burr in the lead the show oozed dramatic class, keeping its small ensemble cast tightly to the seriousness of it all. It’s also stronger in tone than I was expecting, with a very real sense of urgency in some of the cases. Only now and again does it let itself down with some surprise secret witness to bail the hero out. But its weaknesses are few and far between; if you enjoyed Crown Court then this is for you. No extras (I'm sure it’s illegal to release such an important show with no extras, shame on them.) — James Whittington